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Heartbreak or Hormones


Are you pregnant or just had a baby?
Are you suddenly wondering where the "butterflies" went in your relationship?
Why you and your loved one seem to be at each others throats more then ever lately?
Wondering why the thought of even having sex turns you OFF not on? 
Just weeks ago you were practically dry humping your partner and now you don't want him to touch you. 
Are you evaluating your life from your bathroom floor with tears streaming down your face? 
Are you wondering how and the hell you are going to be a single mom because clearly you are no longer "in love". 

Don't worry you are completely NORMAL
There are millions of other pregnant and postpartum mommas doing the same exact thing.
Did you know that loss of libido aka your sex drive is a common side effect of pregnancy? 
Lets take a look of the many reasons why women and even men lose their sex drive. 

Hormones → Loss of sex drive
Stress → Loss of sex drive 
Exhaustion → Loss of sex drive
Self-conscious → Loss of sex drive
Anxiety → Loss of sex drive 
No sex in a relationship → Fighting 
Fighting → More relationship problems
Ultimately you feel heartbroken and confused. 
Suddenly it makes sense why pregnancy can cause all this. 

I have been there and dealt with the horrible effects this has on a relationship.
When I was pregnant with Brayden, Matthew and I were still getting comfortable together. 
We had just made the big step to get our own apartment as well as finding out we were expecting. 
We had just started dating in March and lets face it I couldn't get enough of him. 
I couldn't wait to pull him in a room and have a hot steamy make out session. 
I had just graduated from training for the Army and never felt better about my body.
I had muscles in my arms, legs, stomach even my butt was on point! 
I loved that he couldn't get enough of me and well... that's how Brayden was made. 

Fast forward a few months and a few pounds...
I was miserable yet never been more excited about growing a baby.
My breasts had doubled in size resulting in huge red stretch marks underneath. 
(Thankfully these are now faded) 
All my clothes were suddenly too small and far from appealing. 
I am talking LOVE HANDLES and BELLY SHIRTS. 
Not the attractive kind of belly shirts either. 
More like an old guy with a beer belly wearing a shirt from his young days. 
I packed away my extra small shirts and size 0 pants in hopes that one day I may fit in them again. 
Here we are almost two years later and they are still packed away... I don't want to talk about it. 

As I was saying, 
I struggled with restless legs and pelvis/hip pain during my pregnancy.
More so with Brayden then Elena but ultimately both. 
So here I am feeling fat, crampy, exhausted and the opposite of attractive. 
I don't blame my sex drive for running off and hiding in some deep trench. 
I went from looking like I belonged on the cover of a Playboy magazine 
To looking like I belonged on a Weight Watchers commercial. 
I was mortified and felt like Matt would feel like he was "stuck with me".
I started pushing him away and making excuses of why I didn't want to have sex.

At the time I was working around 30 hours a week and on my feet a lot.
I would use the excuse that I was tired or simply just fall asleep before he could even try anything. 
It didn't take long for the fights to start up. 
I remember one night sitting in a bubble bath bawling my eyes out while googling
"I am pregnant and no longer in love with the father"
I was shocked at how many group conversations there were with the same topics. 
Pages and pages of other females feeling the SAME EXACT WAY. 

But here is where I was wrong
I wasn't not in love with Matt. 
I was not in love with myself
I was tired and stressed. 
I was nervous about becoming a mother. 
I was overwhelmed with the changes my body was going through. 
Non of this was Matts problem, he was the same guy I fell in love with. 
He felt like I didn't love him anymore because suddenly I just didn't want him to touch me. 
Confused on how I went from not getting enough of him to wanting nothing to do with him. 
I don't blame him for feeling unloved and thinking there was possibly someone else. 

In the end I guess I just realized that hormones are nothing to mess with. 
Not only can they make us go from happy, bitchy to sappy in seconds
but they can also completely change a relationship. 
I told Matt that crazy hormones is pregnancies way of testing relationships 
to see if they are strong enough to bring a baby into the picture. 
Thankfully we passed the test, twice

In Kelsey's case she struggled more with postpartum loss of sex drive. 
She also decided to share her experience and some advice below. 

Having a baby changes everything.
 Not only your body but your relationship in so many ways.
I always thought babies bring people closer together, 
but I was very blindsided by the overwhelming flow of emotions after giving birth. 
 I love my husband, his efforts day in and day out, his caring and generous manner, 
but during my early postpartum months I had zeroed out my feelings.
 I did not want to be touched, talked to, or even looked at. 
I just wanted to be left alone with my baby. 
Weird, huh? We spent months of going back and forth, 
fighting about the smallest things because I was analytic of every move he made. 
The last thing I wanted was to be intimate. 
But, we made it.. we are a normal husband and wife again. 
It's not easy regulating those crazy hormones, and unfortunately 
we always tend to take our frustrations out on the ones we love most. 
Slowly, but surely, your relationship will get back to the way it was. 
It's important to know that these things can and do happen, it's human nature. 
Support each other through all the changes, 
because most likely your significant other is having a rough time adjusting, too. 
The greatest thing to bond over-your little blessing.

Here is our advice to you:
  1. Remember the reasons why you love your partner and what attracted you to them in the first place. 
  2. Don't just give them the cold shoulder when you are going through these changes. Talk to them! 
  3. Please your man. It doesn't have to be sex there are many other ways to keep them happy. 
  4. Don't say anything in the heat of the moment because you can't take back words once they are said. 
  5. Just know it's going to be OKAY. You aren't alone with your emotions, google it if you don't believe me! 
  6. I promise your butterflies will come back and bigger then ever. I remember looking at Matt holding Brayden as soon as he was born and I just wanted to attack him then. Nothing is more attractive then seeing your man be a great father. 
  7. Watch a movie- Doing things together still brings you close, and you will both be able to unwind with each other. 
  8. Give each other massages- Lord knows us mama's need one. Your man will appreciate the gesture as well.
  9. Have date nights-It is very beneficial to have that same one on one time that once brought you two together. Even if you don't want to leave the baby, wait until the little one is asleep, get take-out, some wine, and have a little in home date-it's the thought that counts.
  10. If you are ever feeling over whelmed talk to a friend and have them calm you down. Being upset isn't good for you or the baby. Don't have a friend? We are great listeners. 




What were your experiences with your Sex Drive and Pregnancy?
Please comment below I am very interested in others experiences. 

Comments

  1. Ahh! This is so relieving to read! I'm still in that crazy post baby hormone boat! And I'm also still struggling to get to my pp weight I'm almost there!!
    Breastfeeding does help though!
    I has a kick ass body before I had Ethan too because I was getting ready to ship out for basic , but God had a different plan for my husband and I , and blessed us with our beautiful baby boy, Ethan :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This blog was amazing to read. I definitely can relate to almost everything you two wrote, especially the part where you said, "I wasn't not in love with myself. I wasn't in love with myself." I'm currently 3 months post partum and I'm still struggling to accept my body with the changes. I'm at my pre-pregnancy weight but my body shape is so different now, so my clothes from pre-pregnancy no longer fit. Before I got pregnant, I was so happy with my body. I had lost a lot of weight and invested in a personal trainer. I was definitely in the best shape of my life when I met my fiance, and we couldn't get enough of each other - hence how we got pregnant with Mason so soon after getting together. We're planning to get married in January of 2016, so I'm going to get my butt back to the gym ASAP and invest in a trainer again in the summer of 2015 so I'll be ready.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I cannot even express how thankful am I for your blog posts, facebook and instagram, Crystal! Reading your story, Kelsey's story and Cassandra's story definitely helps me a lot! Now I see that I am not the only one struggling with postpartum depression and cannot take my body after it changed... This is all so crazy!
    Just like you, guys, I was in the best shape in my life when I met my fiance. I lost 55 lbs and worked hard for it! Just like you I never could get enough of him, he is an amazing man - has the softest heart and does everything to make me happy... And just like you shortly after we started dating we realized we were expecting! We couldn't be happier at the moment! A few weeks after I revealed great new to my best friends ( I considered them to be my best friends, I am not from this country, we came here together and started working hard to build a new life and always supported each other) they showed up at my house and tried to talk me into abortion! It felt like somebody killed me inside... They criticized my fiance like they knew what's best for me! I am still crying remembering that horrible moment... That' s when my depression started - I lost "friends", got very confused with my life, gained all my weight back during pregnancy and started hating myself and being very insecure... There was only one thing I was sure about - my son, I loved him long before I met him, and couldn't ask for a more beautiful and healthy baby! My fiance was always there for me, would do anything I asked for and still does every little thing that will possibly make me happy... I was ok for a couple months after Clayton was born, enjoyed every minute of motherhood... until it was time to go back to work. I had to go buy a new pair of pants for work and couldn't stop crying after I got out of the dressing room - size 12! (I was size 5 when I got pregnant) I wanted to go back to the gym immediately and not get out until I lose at least 50 lbs. But I had to go back to work and help pay bills, work full time and have a little one waking up every 2-3 hours to eat... I was overwhelmed, exhausted, insecure and felt far from attractive... plus I really started to hate my job because I was away from Clayton so much. Plus other problems... Now we're definitely talking about loss of sex drive, arguing about every little thing and yes I was pushing him away and didn't know what to do about it... And he was always there for me in my darkest days saying "You're stuck with me and I will never lose you!"
    Now our son is a year old and we plan to get married very soon. I am still fighting hormones sometimes being absolutely fine one minute and can start crying for no reason the next moment but Thomas is always there for me, and I know I couldn't ask for a better man! I am still struggling with my weight, it was hard to lose it before and definitely harder now, but I know I can do it! Than you, Crystal, for your blog and thank you everybody for motivation, you, guys are a huge help!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Hormones can affect the mood and behavioral disposition of women, that’s why they should be balanced well. Having a healthy diet and proper exercise are some of the ways to naturally balance out hormonal levels. And as much as possible, try to avoid stress situations, both physically and mentally. Those have been proven to greatly trigger imbalance for women.

    Earnest Rodgers @ Total Clinic

    ReplyDelete

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