Farewell Friends, Hello Motherhood



I understand that I chose a young age to settle down and have kids. The ideal female my age these days is suppose to have just graduated college and be looking for a "big girl" job while possibly talking about marriage or kids with their long term boyfriend but life doesn't always follow societies standards. 

Many friends I had in high school or college I stopped talking to before even becoming pregnant with my first so the "we live two different types of life" friend dilemma didn't really apply to my situation much. Even if it did I can't say that I would have been upset because someday they will settle down and have kids and until then I would rather not have to come up with excuses on why I don't want to go out dancing, drinking, dining etc. Being a mother has been my first priority since the day I saw that first tiny plus sign.

So now that we eliminated the "we live two different lives" 
friends you have the "they don't understand" friends. 

"I promise i'm not ignoring you."

"Sorry it's been a crazy day, week, month etc"

"I read your message then got busy and forgot to reply."

"I swore I answered you! So sorry!"


These are all very common phrases that come out of my mouth because holding a long conversation with someone these days is a task itself! Many people don't understand that half the time I don't know where my phone is because it's on silent and one of my kids hid it or is eating it. Then when I actually find it and take the time to check my messages It's usually half assed and I either a) don't remember if I replied  b) don't remember WHAT I replied c) completely just forgot to reply or d) told myself I would reply later when things are more calm. But in reality things are NEVER more calm and at the end of the day I want to lay down and relax not back track to see who and who I didn't reply to that day. 

My friends who are mothers are usually understanding and can relate to my lifestyle. They usually don't make a big deal out of it and if weeks go by that we don't talk we simply pick right back up and there is no drama. Others don't understand as easily and make a big deal out of it which is usually a HUGE turn off for me and once again I simply don't care if the friendship is written off. I am sorry that I have been a shitty friend but I am busy being a DAMN GOOD MOM. 

For the friends that did stick around or I made in the past three years I can easily tell you how many times I have seen them and one step further on one hand list the times that they actually made the effort to come to MY HOME where my kids are easily entertained, safe and I am sane. 

Nothing annoys me more than receiving a text from "a friend" saying how much they miss me when I know they wont be making the effort to change that. If anything I am expected to pack up both my kids (soon to be three kids), completely mess up their schedule which usually means they miss their nap, drive an hour there, make multiple trips to get the kids and their bag out of the car, crazily chase my kids around their NON CHILD PROOF HOME until I am stressed beyond all belief and pulling out my hair while overly pregnant. Then only to make multiple trips to pack up the car once again and drive the hour back home while I am head bobbing tired and defeated. Only because GOD FORBID they be even remotely understanding and be the ones who make the effort to come see me. 

There becomes a point where you just stop caring because trying to maintain the friendship just means more work for you when your schedule and stress level are already full.

So this is what I decided. 

Rules when it comes to Friendships 
where one or multiple parties are moms:

  1. When hanging out or having play dates take into mind who has the most kids, who has the most childproof home, who can travel easier or simply find a place that is child friendly and in the middle to meet. 
  2. If I don't reply when you text me then feel free to always text again wether it be later that day or a few days later but DO NOT get an attitude or be rude because I don't constantly have my face in my phone. 
  3. If you feel there is ever an issue then please come to me and resolve it. There is always a very good reason for the things I do and I think I am very reasonable and kind. 
  4. Always understand that my kids and relationship come first.  
If you follow these rules then we should never have an issue. ;)


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EMAIL: catchingupwithcrystal@gmail.com

Comments

  1. Amen! I have struggled with this for quite a while. I work full-time and miss my littles like crazy and I fully believe that if you truely want a friendship to last you have the power to see that it does. I have a girl friend that I've known since 8th grade. Ironically we live completely different lives and may go long spans of time without communication, but we both know how much the other really cares. When time and life allows we pick back up and fill in the blanks. This is one of my most valued friendships I think because of its flexability and grace.

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